Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
my liver is dry heaving
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
