Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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