so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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