final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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