It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She told me I should be a condom model.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
