you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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