a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize