After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
