Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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