chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
