when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
