Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
