tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
