3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
