so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
