Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
