You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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