How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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