Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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