Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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