I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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