if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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