I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
