i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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