in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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