Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
