Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
