She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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