a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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