what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
