Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
