Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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