i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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