Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
