Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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