Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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