i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
