I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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