the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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