fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
