just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
