I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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