The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
