I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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