Your face is a jimmy john
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
