I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
