were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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