and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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