Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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