I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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