I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i think my cat just said my name.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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