HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
