franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
should my penis look like a turkey
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
