Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
