i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I deserve this hangover.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
