I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
