im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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