Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
