what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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