Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
