I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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