Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
