Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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