3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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