Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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