hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
