Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Terrible idea I love it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
