I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
