He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
