Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
