Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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