And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
