If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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