The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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