I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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