Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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