I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
