He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
